TSA Inspects Breasts, Won’t Taste Milk


TSA Body Cavity InspectorTwo days ago, the TSA lightened up the total liquid ban allowing up to 3oz containers of toiletries, among other liquids to be again carried onboard commercial flights.

According to many news sources, their new regulations have mostly confused the masses and significantly increased delays at security checkpoints. Interestingly enough, it appears as if they’ve changed their “profiling” strategy to include women (or men for that matter) with augmented breasts.

However, to all you female terrorists out there, it appears there’s a loophole for sneaking in liquid explosives on airlines: breast milk. We suggest carrying it aboard using Dr. Browns Wide Neck Baby Bottle (pictured) with features like a “wide neck to avoid nipple confusion.” It’s dishwasher safe too, so after you’ve failed at blowing up the plane, you can re-use the bottle for actual breast milk after washing.

Baby BottleNew regulations point out that quantities of fluids over 3oz MUST be declared for additional inspection. However, it is unclear if breast milk must be declared only if it is not contained within it’s original production facilities, or if the TSA is attempting to step into local Health Department territory and inspect food production facilities also.

From the TSA’s Travel Assistant (“straight answers”) page:

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Can a passenger traveling with a small child bring a larger quantity of baby formula and/or baby food?
…All items including formula or breast milk will be inspected.

Neither the passenger nor the baby or toddler will be asked to test or taste breast milk or formula. Our Security Officers will not test or taste formula or breast milk.

How will one “inspect” breast milk (we’re talking outside the natural storage) without testing it, or feeding it to a baby? Must you bring extra to allow for a chemical sample to be performed, but wouldn’t that actually be a “test?” Basically what I get from this, is that one of the high-paid TSA inspectors will say “yeah, that looks like breast milk.”

This brings up so many other questions too. What about pee? I know I drink enough coffee to be concerned about burning an acid hole in the bottom of the airline lavatory.

It seems like whoever’s making these rules at the TSA hasn’t really thought too much before writing them up.

Next TSA post will actually be focused at a useful plain-english interpetation of what the current rules are – we promise.

TSA Inspector Photo Via: http://www.olegvolk.net/gallery/various/tsa.jpg.html