Man Vs. Wild Premieres Tonight

It just seems so ridiculous though; what about the camera and sound crew (and probably script writer) that are out there with him, filming the same scene 10 times so they can get a shot that looks scary enough? I can’t watch a show like that without picturing them going “Cut!” and heading off to their nice hotel for a hot shower and a bottle of wine. It’s just all so bogus.

SIMPLY THE NAME BEAR.

Bear, how was “work” today?
Oh, Bear, I love you.
Hey, Bear want to go to dinner and a play?
Bear, how is your salmon?
Bear, you need a shower and a shave.
Don’t be a Bear, Bear wait, umm…
Bear, your brother Teddy called wanted to know if you and that raggedy Ann and her light-in-the-loafers friend Andy wanted to go to the Tractor Pull tonight? Or is the Bear going to start an early hibernation in a bottle of Guinness?

[In Federal Court] Have you reached a verdict? Yes we have your honor. With regard to the first of four felony charges, the people of the great state of Alaska find Bear Grylls GUILTY of cruelty against Animals and Humanity! As for the second felony charge, we find Mr. and Mrs. Grylls, the defendant’s parents, guilty of naming a healthy child Bear…

LIFE TV in conjunction with “O” proudly presents, the Life and Times of Bear Grylls. Episode #009, entitled, “The Creation of a Bear”
Fade in:
[On a sunny dry day during recess on the grade school playground near an iron Jungle Gym a bully slugs the young Grylls.]
Bully Billy Winters: SMACK!!! How did that feel Gaylen?!?!
Gaylen Grylls: [Lower lip’s quivering as he rubs his throbbing arm holding back a folly of tears, he says in a heavy choppy English accent] Jerk! You know! Someday I gona’ to be a biiiggg, big staaarrr! I gona’ climb Everest, star in a deodorant TV commercial, travel across the North Atlantic Arctic in a small vinyl boat and I gona’ be awarded an “HONORARY” commission in the Roooyal Navy, [His asthma begins to kick in as he starts to hyperventilate] then be the star in a Discovery series entitled, Man vs. Wild! You’ll, [coughs] see!… [He digs in his front pocket for his inhaler.]
Bully Billy Winters: [Winds up] Discover this GAY…len… Grylls! SSSSMACK!!!!
Gaylen Grylls: [Falls and is crouched over in the sand holding his now excruciatingly painful arm. Tears roll down and off his nose to the sand as he mumbles] You’ll see, you’ll… see… [He holds his inhaler to his mouth – PUFF] …You’ll see…
[Eleven years later in the English parliament House of commons name-changing wing.]
Honor de Savoie: [Sits high above the court dressed in a heavy black robe wearing a thick white wig and a stern expression laminating his face.] Have you published your Deed Pole?
Gaylen Grylls: [Smiles confidently] Yes, yes I have your Honor.
Honor de Savoie: Well, then, congratulations… From this day forward you shall be formally known and legally bound by the name Bear Grylls. May god be with you.
Bear Grylls: [Smiles brighter] Thank you your honor! Thank you… [Under his breath - low and slow] …Now… to find… Bully Bill Winters…
Honor de Savoie: Next up, Rufus McCracken changing his family name to Earl of Goosebag… [Fade out]
End scene…
Announcer: This episode of the Life and Times of Bear Grylls is brought to you by, Head On, applied directly to the forehead. Head On, applied directly to the forehead. Head On, applied directly to the forehead. It really works! (Especially when your watching Man vs. Wild!)
Be-dep, Be-dep, Be-dep, dat’s all folks!

Zeusest
~ The Most Zeus

Don’t cheeses-off the Bear! Don’t do it! He will kill you on a GLASSier! Man vs. Wild Bear Grylls – What a joke! He fakes holding he camera during many of his close-ups; it’s SO obvious his “camera crew” is holding it. His English is absolutely HORRIBLE. The “camera crew” try’s to convey a sense of urgency by violently shaking the camera when the bear seems to be in a desperate situation only to display a desperate need to go back to cinematography school. Bear eats bugs, grubs, raw eyeballs, fish, etc. simply for shock value. There is BAREly any real survival training given during the episodes. It’s as nonproductive as watching an intestine, testicle, cow placenta eating reality-show on FOX.

With regard to the Copper Canyon episode - Baby Bare got “scared” by Papa Bare. I thought it would perhaps be ironic if Papa Bare ate Baby Bare! (By the bye, where did his “film crew” stay that night? I’ll bet there was a Hilton over the hill! LOL!)

This program is obviously not geared for an age demographic of 22 – 95! It’s an utter waste of time – don’t even bother watching this ridiculous program. If you want to view a more realistic survival show, go to the Science Channel and TiVo ® Les Stroud as Survivor Man!

Zeusest!
~ The One & Only

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